Monday April 21st…

8 a.m. appointment – On time! The nurse, who calls my name, is yet another very nice and sweet person, but OH! SO SLOW…I have seen her before. I learn her name is Lori.  She tells me she recently had a knee operation, so she’s limping…She looks a little scattered…Her glasses are a little crocked, she’s a little pale, her hair standing on end…and limping…I feel a little sorry for her…Maybe I shouldn’t… She gets my warm blanket. Yum!  Very strange, but I can’t remember if I got on IV or not?

I’m thinking I’m kind of getting used to MRI’s…Belly up or Belly down…Belly down I don’t need a Sleeping Mask. Belly Up, I want a sleeping mask. Today is a ‘special’ MRI of the breast, with a needle biopsy in the middle of the treatment. I’m ready, or so I think!

I lie down on my stomach, the head-rest is kind of like the one on a massage table, but not as comfortable. I think it’s old, and the “puffiness”, of the U-shaped pillow, is gone. It’s more like digging your forehead into the plastic frame.  You have indentations after 30 minutes resting on that piece…and your face is red! Charming!

The tech is now going to (and it takes me by surprise) squeeze my right breast that’s “hanging” (not much to hang…but anyway) down into the hole in the bed. Like at a Mammogram. But, No! Wait! Squeeze it tighter and tighter for ONE FULL HOUR! She tightens it and I say “It hurts!” She’s apologizing saying it needs to be very tight…then she’s releases “it” because she didn’t get the bottom…I’m ready to jump up and sprint away!  But, she’s quicker and tightens it again, and a little more tight…My poor boob is pressed into a pancake! Holy Shit!

She says “A lot of people say they don’t feel their breast after a while, so just try to relax…and it will soon be over…” It’s actually true…the pain is so awful you get numb! My arms are above my head, and they soon fall asleep…I don’t know what’s worse? I have the panic button in my hand, but even if I pressed it, I’m still stuck with my right boob…and then I have to do it all over again. The panic button is no option.

After about 30 minutes the Doctor comes in. I’m trying to move my squashed face into a better position, but the Tech puts her hands over mine and says “Don’t move, don’t move… It’s very important you lie still…” The Doctors tells me what he’s doing…Numbing-needle-biopsy-marker…and then back in the tube again for another 20 minutes or so. When I’m done I can’t wait for them to release the pressure…and strangely enough it’s not a pancake hanging there.

Time to cry and release my feelings!

Much Love,

Filippa

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3 thoughts on “Monday April 21st…

  1. Girl …. you’ve been thru the wringer and back…but guess what? It’s good to live the moment and write all of your experience and emotions….keep up your good spirit you are going to kick this! Love u girl……

  2. Herregu’ Filippa, jag vet inte om jag ska skratta eller gråta när jag läser – för trots hur eländigt det än var så skriver du så bra! Beundrar dig gränslöst för din positiva inställning till allt detta.

    Många kramar//Vic

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