Going bald…

(This blog should actually have been posted about 10 days ago…but it was a few things happening at the same time…)

The morning of May 13th, two days before my second chemo, I came home from walking the dogs. I was sweaty and needed to shower before picking up Jane at the airport. I walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower. Took of my hat…and you all know how funny you look after wearing a hat… HAT HEAD!   I pulled my fingers through my hair… and big chunks of hair got stuck between my fingers…I looked at it…oh no…(actually “OH NOOOO!”.  Capital and bold!)  My heart sank… My first thought was “Shit! Here we go!”…

I knew it was going to happen…but still…When you get a chunk of hair in your hand and you don’t feel anything…like; Its dead… I couldn’t even feel it being pulled from my scalp. I looked in the mirror and grabbed a small chunk of hair between my fingers….just to try it… and pulled…It came of like nothing. I didn’t even feel it being pulled!  Heavy sigh…Here. We. Go!

After realizing this – I wanted to share it. I didn’t want to be alone…So, right there in the bathroom with the shower running, and the steam building up, fogging the mirror… I texted 2 friends “Here we go! My hair is falling out!”…

I took my shower and was very careful washing my hair. No pulling…No conditioner…After the shower I dried it carefully….like scrounged- squeezed it “with hope” (If you know what I mean?)  I didn’t do the usual ‘turban wrap’ around my head (what if all the hair would get stuck in the turban when I pull off the towel? Scary thought!) Then combed it with a wide tooth comb…Yes, more hair fell out but I still looked okay. I didn’t blow dry my hair…no, no. I was too scared of doing that. Thought all my hair would be pulled around the round brush…

I JUST WANTED MY HAIR TO STICK AROUND UNTIL AFTER MY SECOND CHEMO!

Why? I don’t know. I just had that in my mind. Period.

I pulled back my wet hair, and used a head band to keep it back.

I managed to keep my hair for a couple of days (until after my second chemo! Ha! Na na na na naaa na!)

But when you start looking like Yoda (Star Wars – minus the ears) it’s about time to do something! Really!

TIME TO SHAVE!

7 thoughts on “Going bald…

  1. Du är fin även utan hår. Hår kommer tillbaka! Hår är en bagatell i det hela, men trots allt känns det väl jobbigt när det bara faller av huvudet. Vi andra tycker ju precis lika mycket om dej utan hår, så det är jobbigast för dej förstås! Släng ut alla speglar ett tag! Love you beautiful Filippa! Xo

  2. I can see that it is not funny at all for you.
    Just come to think about this. Not everybody gets to see their grown head without hair. It is like you are a baby again and you are just as adorable as a baby.
    If you let us, we can all kiss your head now.

  3. Although it’s true that beauty comes from within, I understand how scary it must be to see the hair coming off in big chunks. The good news is that it will grow back and we love you just as much with or without hair. You are very brave and courageous to write and talk about it.
    You are in my thoughts all the time.

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