Processing what to do…

I met with my Oncology Surgeon Monday morning, Dr Blake. She’s a beautiful “power house”. I have done four chemos, and it’s time to switch to another kind of chemo. Dr. Blake who’s going to do my surgery wanted to see me to talk about the surgery and also tell me about my options.

My cancer has shrunk for sure! Even I can tell! A good sign! Celebration! My lymph nodes that was almost as big as a grape size is now smaller than a pea…My breast lump, that I could never feel myself, is also much smaller according to the Doc.

She talked about my surgery and it’s pretty much up to me what to do.

In a way I don’t want it to be up to me…I want the doctor to tell me what to do…That way I can get out of making a decision. I know – That’s pretty lame! Not wanting to deal with it. It’s a big decision…

I do not have to make a decision right away. I can think about it until we see each other again, in late August…Here are my options:

  1. The least invasive is (of course) is the lumpectomy where they only take out the lump in the breast and the lymph nodes under my arm. The Doc don’t know (yet)  if she can save any of my lymph nodes…Remains to be seen…The chances of the cancer coming back is slightly higher.
  2. To do a lumpectomy. Take the right breast and do a reconstructive surgery. They can’t do the reconstructive surgery at the same time (which would have been great…”two birds with one stone”) because the new “saline boob” can’t handle the radiation (which I have to have after the surgery).  Also…this might be very vain…but it’s what going through my head…If I choose this…and let’s say in 20 years from now. My right boob will be perky and young looking, and my left boob will be a small pouch hanging and looking sad…hm…
  3. To do a double mastectomy. Take both breasts. My first reaction was “I don’t want to remove something that is perfectly healthy and good”.  BUT, if it reduces my chances of getting the cancer back – the yes! Then again, I can’t do a reconstructive surgery right away because of the radiation after wards. I most likely have to wait one year to do it…I really don’t want to go through another surgery after all this…It’s really taxing on the body and psyche. And it’s not good for the body to get anesthesia too many times…

I DO realize that I’m lucky to have these options. I’m also scared to make the wrong decision…Many women with breast cancer don’t have a choice. I do.

During this time, until I see Dr. Blake again, I will gather all the questions I have, and weigh the pros and cons. Ask what the chances are of the breast cancer coming back with these different options…Time to reflect.

The date for the surgery is booked for September 11th!

I must say I have “picked” the most memorable dates going through this Journey!

  1. On April 1st – I got diagnosed with Breast Cancer. April fool’s day! (I wish!)
  2.  On May 1st –  I started my Chemotherapy treatment. May Day, Walpurgis (Valborg)
  3.  On 9/11  – I’m having surgery. I don’t think I have to say anything about this date.

Dates I will never forget!

Maybe I should finish up by having my last appointment on Halloween?




8 thoughts on “Processing what to do…

  1. Hej Gumman. Ring till Patti!!! Hon gick précis igenom det som du maste bestamma. Hon ar toppen att prata med. Lycka till gumman. Det du bestammer blir ratt! Kramar!!

  2. This is not easy for you. I can only advice that you talk with people that has gone through it. I will try to come up with some names. Good luck and I am thinking about you.

  3. Vad tycker din läkare? De måste väl ha erfarenhet av dessa olika val? Kan du kontakta andra som haft samma sjukdom och som fått göra dessa val – vad har de gjort och vad har de tyckt efteråt?

  4. Not easy decision . Time will be on your side. Sept 11 , we will now all remember to pray for you onTHAT date. Thanks for you sharing this incredible journey with us and with such humor and integrity

  5. Great news, that the cancer now has shrunk to very small, you must have done things right! I am so glad. Like you said, you have some time to think, and gather information, you will get to the right desition .

  6. Bra dag att ha operationen pa Filiipa – September 11th e min fodelsedag…..”alla” sager ahhhhh nej e de din fodelsedag….va trakigt…..min mamma sager: 11 September ar den BASTA dagen for da foddes du 🙂 so go for it!!! Hoppas att du inte har allt for manga krampor – du skriver helt underbart och borde verkligen fundera pa att skriva en bok!!!!! Min syster Annelie gar oxa igenom chemo fast hemma i Sverige (hon har andtarms cancer), sa jag har tyvarr blivit insatt i vad chemo innebar for en person, det du skriver later precis som vad min syster gar (och har gatt) igenom. Bamse kramar till dig fran mig och “keep up the good work” /Christina

    • Hej!
      Tråkigt att höra om din syster! Hon får gärna höra av sej…cancer som cancer…Emotionellt går vi igenom samma saker…samma tankar etc! Den 11 september ser jag också som ett BRA datum! Då kommer många, fina, älskande andar vara med mej och stötta mej! PLUS att det är DIN dag! Grattis i förskott!

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