Why me?… Why not me?

I’ve been thinking a lot! This kind’a happens when you get hit by a curveball like this.

Why did I get “this”? Why me? I consider myself somewhat healthy… I eat a lot of veggies and fruit. I work out… I have run a few half and full marathons… (Proud of me!) Hm…

Is it the wine? Meat? Sodas? Sugar? Dairy products? The micro oven? Plastic containers? Anti-per spirant? Bad air? Make-up? Moldy air from houses that I’ve been showing? What? I have had many thoughts go thru my head…HM! Who knows?

I go from wondering, and blaming this cancer on outside factors…like the above (not the above like heaven…just the above sentence!) Blame it on something. Feels better that way! For a while…

Someone said to me that she would never become a ‘statistic’ because she was a vegetarian…Maybe it’s the meat? But…hm…that can be true either…How about Linda McCartney for example? I’m sure vegetarian people get cancer too. No?

You can do everything right and still get cancer! You can do everything “wrong” and never get cancer. Is it a crapshoot? I think we would like to point to something – He’s overweight…She smoked etc… One of the ugly truths of breast cancer is that more than half of all breast cancers have no known cause and scientific evidence suggest that many cases are linked to exposure to environmental toxins. This means you can exercise, smoke…or never smoke, reduce alcohol (or not) control weight (or not) and still get breast cancer. A woman today had 1 in 8 lifetime risk of getting breast cancer. Yikes! Scary!

What if I had caught mine before it was a stage three!?!

Then you have people who look at you, and kind of tilt their head to one side and say “Take this as a good lesson in life” (I do) or “It’s your Karma, my friend” (ok). I know they mean well.

Maybe this is my Wake-Up call? But, I don’t think I was a sleep. Maybe snoozing…

Since it’s NOT generic (BRCA test was negative).  The BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene was tested. It took 6 weeks to get the results. If you have breast cancer or ovarian cancer please push for this test!!! Thankfully my insurance paid for it. This is not always the case, but I have the type of cancer that are more common to “wander” and are more prone to be genetic. A total of 17,500 intronic base pairs of BRCA1 & BRCA2 was tested and came back NO MUTATION DETECTED! I’m happy to report to my sisters they are safe! I know have written about this before!

Back to my story “Why me?…Why not?”

Do I have some responsibility in creating this? I read another article about “Attitudes and Cancer” And one of the questions was:

  • Did I bring cancer on myself?

It suggests (in the article) that people will certain personality types were more likely to get cancer. The common thought was neurotic and introverts were at highest risk.

Another factor was high stress that could feed the cancer cells in your body to become active and create cancer. This could go on for a long time before you discover it. End of article (kind of).

If this is true…The stress factor…then I am responsible for creating my cancer! And, yes. I own it! I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I take ownership of my cancer. Period.

On a very deep unconscious level, I started this growth without knowing it. … Maybe you think I’m crazy… and some of you might think I have fallen off the deep end! But if you have had cancer or going thru it…THINK ABOUT IT. What do you think COULD have triggered it? GO DEEP! DEEPER!!!  

How did I create this? Well, it didn’t happen overnight!  It happened over a period of time. Years!  I do see things that I go through as valuable lessons – A very big, valuable lesson…Maybe I have been sleeping? Then – this is my wake-up call.

I’m the author of my life. I write the chapters. I get help…but I’m the author. It’s time I write it my way.  After my diagnosis I decided to face this “head-on”. See every step of the way as an experience and a learning period. It’s a chapter in my life I call “The Journey” and I had to fit it in.

It’s definitely not “The END” chapter.

…and the Journey continues…

11 thoughts on “Why me?… Why not me?

  1. One of my daughters is a vegan because she is so scared of disease for herself and her family, we tell her all the time no one knows who will get what disease or when. Bring afraid and worried doesn’t fix stuff :(. Hang in there kiddo I think u r doing great!

  2. I have been a vegetarian since age 3 yet got stage 3 colon cancer at age 69. But I was also a lifelong smoker ( not exactly a health conscious vegetarian! ) and lived a very stress filled life so I pretty much have an idea where mine may have come from. Funny though, once I had my diagnosis I stopped worrying about pretty much everything and during chemo was very protected from any problems my children were having. Aside from feeling sick as a dog I had the most peaceful time of my adult life. Here I am at 81 and doing fine. I expect no less from you with your great attitude! Love you, Lucy

  3. So true, Filippa!
    As I understand it, my cancer began many years before it decided to “act out” and become agressive. No one knows for how long. But it was treated agressively and though I felt line shit and looked like it too – it all was good in the end. You will be free from cancer too, I am sure of it!

    Många kramar, Victoria ❤️❤️😍

  4. You continue to inspire me and others. The courage and strength you have shown during your challenge is heartwarming. You are surrounded by Love and Light. I love you, Claudette

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