I remember on April 1st when I first heard the words “You have cancer” for the first time. The Doctor spoke TO ME! I felt so totally in denial! Like the Doctor was talking to someone else…I wanted to whistle and look around in the room…not me, not me, not me…Even though it was only me and Brian in the room. It was April 1st…what a joke! Then reality hit me…
Well…maybe not right there and then…it took a few days for the diagnoses to sink in. It took a few days for me to be able to speak the words “I have breast cancer”…yes, it took a few days…It really did…hm…
To be honest – I never thought I was going to die. I thought about it…but I have thought about that many times. Especially when someone close to you dies….you think about your own mortality. Right?
Anyway – after being diagnosed, and thinking about my future…or no future… Why not express how I would like my passing… The only thing that is for certain when we are born, is that we’re going to die…the rest is an unwritten book. An unwritten book for me (and you) to fill in the pages.
There are a few reasons for why I want to bring up this issue…
- I might die. Or, I will die one day! Period.
- I remember my mom being at a total loss after my Dad died. She had no idea how he wanted his funeral to be and where…(huge reason)
- I did not want to leave Brian with that feeling (plus he would totally pick the wrong music!)
- I’m not afraid of dying…so why not write about what I want?
- I want it my way… (Being in control? Ha!)
When I pass; please celebrate my life! Remember all the good times. Forget about the bad ;o)
I want everybody to be dressed in white! (I will be watching)
I want to have a gathering at the beach in the early morning…To walk in silence for 30 minutes (I’ll be right there with you)…then for everybody to gather in a circle and speak from their heart. Peace and love! For the Swedish Minister, who’s in Florida at the time, to say something profound…;o) (I will be listening…hehehe)
Then there will be breakfast with coffee, bagels, juice, mimosas at our house with lots of music, dancing and swimming in the pool! (I will be smiling!)
I want everybody to sign up for Gratitude Training…if you haven’t already gone through it…It will change your life! (I will guide you)
I want to be cremated…Where my ashes go is not that important to me…Maybe spread some of the ashes on ‘Marabou Hill’ (in our back yard)…at Heritage Park…in Sweden…the Ocean… (Let it fly!)
I believe in life after death. I believe the soul does not die…the soul travels on. Can I prove this? No, I can’t. But I have read so many books and heard compelling stories about “going to the other side and coming back” and “seeing the light, and being pulled back”. (I will give you a sign…just listen!)
Like Betty Eadie (author) said in one of her books “Life does not end when we die. Death is a rebirth into the spirit world of light and love, a transition from the physical to the spiritual that is no more frightening or painful than passing between rooms though an open doorway. It is also a joyful homecoming to our natural home, a return to the Creator who sent us here and who welcomes us back with loving arms” (I will always love you).
Now I have to work on the music list!
PS. Of course this might change with time…who knows…